welcome
Do please come on in. Sit your lovely self down. No, not all the way over there, come here next to me. That’s it. What? Yes, it is a little damp; I had a quick run around with the Febreze. You look sensational.
Welcome to KevinCurtis.biz. Here we shall celebrate the work of Kevin Curtis - writer, actor, director and part-time podiatrist. By ‘celebrate’, I mean brazenly self-promote. And by ‘podiatrist’, I mean someone who treats foot ailments such as hard skin, corns, bunions and fungal infections.
I’m sure you have many questions, my child. Perhaps we shall find the answers together. But you are weary from your journey; please rest. I have arranged refreshments. I recommend the turkey drummers - you’re going to need all your strength.
And on our voyage, should you feel something prod the small of your back, don’t you worry; I’m sure you’re just imagining it.
Shall we begin?
Well, hello there.
Just a man.
With a man’s courage.
January 26, 2009
Tragically, not enough happens in my world to justify a regular blog; I tend to mostly just sit about, eating cereal and watching YouTube like a lobotomised haddock . But I shall endeavor to make my life seem slightly less dreary by adding semi-regular updates on this page.
Just don’t expect much for the first couple of weeks - I’ve got several episodes of ‘24’ stacking up and Asda are doing 500g boxes of Crunchy Nut Cornflakes for a quid (!!!) I shit you not. God bless the economic downturn.
I’m in the final of Sony’s ‘Make a Movie’ competition. Entrants were asked to shoot a 3 minute trailer of a film for the opportunity to win a trip to L.A to pitch a feature idea to a Sony Pictures studio executive.
My plan is to handcuff myself to this exec and not release him until he agrees to make another one of those hilarious ‘Sister Act’ films (‘HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! No, Whoopi, nuns aren’t supposed to rock out!’)
Anyway, here’s my film - ‘The Nobodies’. It stars a chubby version of me, and my youthful ward, Simon Whalley. We shot it at the end of August last year and had ever such a gay day.
Please, you watch now......
April 21, 2009
Citizens… I have run a white-gloved finger over the skirting board of my site and I am appalled at the fine film of dust I have allowed to develop. My apologies.
I locked myself away, writing. If I kept regular updates on my site it probably would have said something like ‘ate a whole packet of mint Viscounts and fell asleep in front of Ice Road Truckers’
I’ll never abandon you again. By way of penance, I shall be setting fire to myself in the Post Office. In the meantime, please nourish yourself on this short film I have prepared for you.
There are more films coming in the next few weeks – in the immortal words of the prophet Gary Barlow, ‘just have a little patience’.
June 10, 2009
Been in an accident at home or at work that wasn’t your fault? Believe you could be entitled to compensation? Here at kevincurtis.biz we operate on a ‘no win, no fee’ basis…..oh I can’t be bothered finishing that – here’s my new film…
I made a few ad spoofs recently, would you care to watch them with me? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! You are a one! It looks like I’ll have to keep my eye on you! (smiley face with wink)
July 14, 2009
January 6th, 2010
Happy New Year my dears. Well, the Christmas decorations are at school and the kids are back in the attic, and the Wii Fit will soon groan as I step on to burn off several tins of ‘Mingles’ (like any healthy weight-loss plan, mine shall be laxative assisted.)
And as I poo my way to a healthier, happier me, I shall endeavour to give regular updates on my movements (both professional and bowel) to the few of you who care. I have some exciting projects lined up for the New Year so I’m going to start keeping a blog. I’ve never really thought that anyone would be that interested to know what I’ve been up to but I have a feeling in my waters that 2010 will be worth writing about. Call it female intuition.
So then, self-indulgent scribblings to follow, but in the meantime, click the image below to watch some silly ads I made recently.
Wishing you all a safe, happy and successful New Year! Praise Alan. Alan is good.
